Finding Your Soulmate – Post 5 – Face Your Fears

Warmest greetings on this beautiful Winter afternoon!  Valentine’s Day is rapidly approaching, and love is on many of our minds perhaps a bit more strongly than usual.  Let’s run with that!

The mark of any great soulmate relationship is that it demands truth – that we be better; that we strive to perpetually become the very best we can be, to expand, to flourish, to evolve, to wholeheartedly dance and sing the beauty within and between us!! For higher love to exist and flourish, there is room ONLY for truth!

That is a big statement.  What does that mean in the context of daily life and in our efforts to actively find our soulmate and life-partner?  Speaking from a wealth of personal experience with this matter, it means that we have to both be courageously willing to look honestly at our behaviors and their underlying motivations, and then be courageously willing, also, to accept responsibility for anything less than genuine and loving and change them.

If we want to have new and deeper love in our lives, we cannot expect that to occur without changing.  There is simply no way around it!  We have to be willing to grow and change – ourselves, our behaviors and our lives – so they are more truthful; so that they are more aligned with our hearts and souls, our inner beings!

Higher love is imprinted in our souls, and when we create a clearer pathway of relationship and support with our hearts by bringing consciousness and alignment to them, our souls have a “greener light,” so to speak, for drawing to us our beloved ones.  (Remember that the heart is the voice of the soul, and the bridge between physical and spiritual life!  It is through our hearts that our souls create the meaningful, abundant, joyous and love-filled lives we are destined to have.  If we ignore or belittle our hearts, our souls are stifled.)

We have each developed a repertoire of defense mechanisms and personality traits, from which we draw in order to operate socially and functionally – usually without thinking much about it.  Some are very important and useful, and some prevent us from creating the deeper dreams of our hearts.

If we look at mistakes we’ve made in previous relationships, that is a good place to start in assessing what learned behaviors are beneficial for us and what are not.  Repeated patterns in relationships indicate that something is blocking our flow of love and heart.  It keeps coming up so we can learn from it.

What makes it tricky for us in getting to where we need to be with this is that we have all learned to automatically respond in distorted ways to life.  We’ve learned to let our wounded ego’s, our pain, false pride and fears, run the show.  This blocks and confines our precious hearts, which for our wellbeing and happiness, SHOULD be running the show!!

This distorted automatic response to relationships and situations means that there is generally not very much consciousness put into our behavioral choices.  We often feel like there is no other option for us because we have placed so much weight upon the wounded part of our personalities.

In working through our fears, the starting point is to realize we have choices!   Most of the time, the automatic defense mechanisms and personality traits originated when we were children or at a point in the past that no longer pertains to our current relationships or situations.

When we bring consciousness to our relationships, and ask ourselves whether the behavioral choice we are wanting to make is appropriate to the situation and in our best interest as an adult and at this point in our lives and relationship, we are disabling the control of our wounded sense of self, and THAT is key to our happiness.

Allowing the wounded ego to run the show, rather than the heart, as most of us have learned to do in life, is the single most factor keeping us from having the life, love, abundance and fulfillment we are destined to have!!!

Changing this behavioral pattern is not a “quick fix.”  It is usually deeply ingrained in our psyches, and making these changes usually triggers the fear in our ego structures.  They “up the anti” to try to reassert control.  Our wounded senses of self do not like to loose control, even for a moment!

The key is to keep moving through the fear and keep giving the reins back to the heart, no matter how scary and awkward that feels!  It will feel that way at first, until it becomes a more organic process.  However, our hearts strengthen rapidly when we give loving attention and support to them, and before long, its “muscle” will be well developed, and from this place of stronger heart, love will flow more freely for us!!

Remember, too, that the Holy Ones are ALWAYS by our sides, walking this path with us, and if we welcome in Their love and blessings and help, They are instantly with us, and a clearer pathway is created for them to assist with our healing and growth!

Let’s all look carefully at what we are afraid of in love, how we shield and restrict our capacities to love and be loved, and resolve to boldly challenge and change our tenacious, foolhardy and fear-based patterns!  Eleanor Roosevelt encouraged us to do something we are afraid of every day!!  Facing our fears head on, and moving boldly and bravely through them, is a fabulous way to strengthen our hearts, build character and align with our true selves!

May the Angels and Blessed Ones hold us all close as we boldly face and rise above our fears!!

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