Good evening, Everyone! I hope that you have had a beautiful and love rich day. It has been so for me, and I feel truly blessed and grateful!
Let’s keep going with our diligent work towards cultivating deeper and higher love for ourselves. In FYS – Post 5, we talked about facing our fears, releasing the control of the egos, and bringing more consciousness and loving attention to our hearts.
Another constructive step we can take to shift out of the knee-jerk, automatic behavioral choices of our wounded egos to a healthier, more adult and genuine interaction with our loved ones is to actively reconstruct our sense of self. Our wounded self-perceptions are far from who we truly are, even though we have generally learned to embrace them unabashedly and without question!! We usually create our lives in response to them without realizing that these self-perceptions are false, limited or distorted.
We can start this “reconstruction” process by actively identifying our positive traits. A simple way of doing that is to make a list of at least 20 to 30 POSITIVE qualities that you have. It is okay if they are similar – like smart and intelligent – because each one has a different connotation. Even though it may sound simple, I find that people often have trouble coming up with that number, or even getting going. If you are struggling with this idea, it helps to think of what nice things other people may say about you, or to ask a friend or family member what positive traits you have. The more you can come up with, the better. This list can also be used as a sort of “living document” to which you can keep adding as you strengthen in your authentic sense of self.
Many of my clients also refer to it when they need a boost, if someone has put them down, or if they find themselves slipping into old, unkind, limited thought patterns about their value or lovability. Beating ourselves up will NEVER get us to where we want to be in cultivating higher love.
Having identified these more accurate and affirming qualities brings them more solidly to the forefront of your awareness, and gives you more “ammunition” – both in bringing consciousness into your loving and in choosing to not interact in an automatic and inauthentic manner.
Something else that helps us rebuild our sense of self in a truer and more empowered way is through tuning in to what is inside you. Who are you in a deeper sense? What might your heart and soul teach you about yourself? What have you always known was inside you, but was afraid to embrace? What are your dreams? What talents want to be nurtured? Going deeper teaches us much more about our true selves than we might imagine.
There will always be circumstances in life that trigger our old wounds – at least until we get strong enough in our new, truer sense of self that there is no longer a need to learn from the old wounds. If we have more tools in our tool belt, like those that develop from being willing to see ourselves more deeply and truthfully, we have more to work with when we do get triggered. We can assess which, of our array of behavioral choice options, is the healthiest, most truthful, loving and beneficial for us to make. We can also rebound through the pain caused by the triggers more quickly.
Reconstructing our sense of self so it is more aligned with heart and truth frees us of the oppression and dissatisfaction we experience from allowing our wounded egos to reign over our lives. It is not a simple or immediate change. It takes dedication and committed effort, but each triumph strengthens our hearts; thus, healing and empowering our lives. Before you know it, things that might have previously thrown you into a tail spin, will barely have an impact.
In our next post, we will be going forward with our new found strength of self and exploring more deeply the art of genuine intimacy. Please join us.
Until then, may your Magnificent and Glorious Heart teach you more fully each moment of its true Beauty!